Time Traveling, Lost and Found

A little background, or a short story for anyone reading this I guess…  So, here I was driving around the streets of SD as usual when something strikes a nerve.  A familiar feeling, a fleeting memory, and a faded smile.  Frank Ocean came on, “Lost,” of all songs.  It brought me back.  There was a time when I literally listened to that album on repeat for hours.  Damn, it was a great album and matched me so well.  Everything was shitty, everything was lost.  Maybe not everything, being slightly dramatic for effect.  Sure, on the surface things were calm, underneath the water like a duck, I was filled with anxiety.  Being unsure of yourself is a killer, especially in an age where everyone wants to be successful, make an impact, and basically just be somebody.

The glory of this moment, was the fact that this song brought me back to those moments stuck in a cubicle for  8 hours dreading every moment of my existence, hanging on through the comforting words of a soul that seemed even more torn than mine.  It wasn’t empowering, but it got me through and I’m grateful for that.  Hearing it again brought me back, all those emotions came flooding back again, the good, the bad, and the plain dumb things that I let get to me.  I smiled, I laughed, because looking back I was lost, and I’m smiling now because I can see that.  Sure things aren’t perfect, but they never are.  Sometimes we need to learn the art of not giving a fuck, and I’m slowly progressing.

Music has always had this effect for me.  I listen to everything…I know how cliche that is, but seriously depending on my emotions and mood, the music I put on is a pure reflection of that.  If I’m feeling down or under pressure, UGK from Drake or maybe if I’m really down, there’s nothing like some Bon Iver to depress you even more.  If it’s the summer and I’m with my friends, country songs about girls and drinking take center stage.  If it’s a mellow night, there’s literally no experience that can describe Sigur Ros under a starlit sky.

Music is how I travel back in time.  I’ve been hit with the burdens of a great memory, this is great sometimes, agonizing at others.  There are things that tear me up inside that I will never forget, that hit me at some point every day and I fight back the stress and insecurities of my past.  I also remember the fun times and “little things” that really made those moments so euphoric.  Music enhances it to the next level, the effect comes smashing back and whether good or bad, it forces a reaction.  It’s an unstoppable force that hit’s me and sometimes I feel pain, sometimes I just smile.  Either way, it provokes a reaction, and that’s the point I’m leading to.  Music has been something that’s allowed me to see my personal growth as well as an energy that I cannot deny, it’s a drug that we all embrace and are openly addicted to.  Seriously, ask someone if they like music, it’s the stupidest thing you can say, it’s the equivalent of asking do you like breathing.

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