Monthly Archives: December 2012

Cliche day:

It’s funny how something that was built to make you feel more connected to your peers has created the exact opposite feeling, instead it makes you even more lonely.  

“Don’t compare your behind-the-scenes material to everyone else’s highlight reel.”

Somewhat difficult when it’s shoved into my face and I seem to have an addiction that I can’t escape til I lose service.  FWP

FTFY: rant/complain/bitch I should get over it.




Honesty is the best policy.  That’s what I’ve always heard.  Then when I tell the truth, people tell me some things are best kept secret.  Now, I’m not so immature to reveal ridiculous things, but I often have the bad habit of giving an honest opinion.

The problem isn’t the feedback I get, it’s my personal insecurities.  I acknowledge my immaturity and my naivety.  I am burdened by the disappointments brought forth by my extraordinary hope that the faith I put in others will be rewarded by the sentiments that this “hope” was well placed.  That’s often not the case.  I met someone similar to me, who had this same naivety and hope that the world isn’t dark, but cynicism was more present within them than me.   So, I did my best to express that their best quality was this faith that the world is full of sunshine, you just need to believe it’s there and often you’ll end up finding it.  Now, I don’t know how successful they are today, or if it’s gotten them anywhere.  In reflection, I think the reason I said that was because I had lost my faith in who I was and whether or not I’ve wasted my time.

I’ve read to never apologize for expressing how you feel, because that’s the same as apologizing for telling the truth.  I want to accept this, but I can’t.  I don’t often have the courage to conjour up the truth when I need to the most, but I can easily say something stupidly blunt and truthful without thinking twice.  It’s because I assign little weight to most things, but when something matters I choke.  Very few things make me uneasy, very few things make me shudder or give me the butterflies.  It’s because I’m young and stupid.  I’ll give you that, I won’t argue that I’m immature, but of the experiences I’ve had, I try to thrive on that feeling.  It’s usually been over something small and unrelated to my personal life.  It’s almost always been for something “trivial” to me, a school report or assignment.  I tell myself, these butterflies, this uneasiness, is proof that this matters to you, it’s not an unshakable feeling, but something that proves that it’s worth the effort you put into it.  When things have really mattered to me, I blew it.  Maybe, there was not shot of “winning” but I can’t accept that, I don’t want an excuse, I just want to be better.

I understand we’re all striving to improve ourselves and I think that’s why I struggle.  It’s because truthfully, I can see what I need to do, the path’s laid out more obvious than a yellow brick road.  I see it there, but for some reason I refuse to take it.  That’s why I drink, that’s why I lie, that’s why I smile when I want to scream, that’s why I’m only sad when no one else is around, and that’s why I I’m stuck.

I have two great regrets that overshadow everything else:

I need the approval of others, I strive for the acknowledgement of those around me.

I absolutely understand that this isn’t in my best interests and how that I need to find what’s best for me, but I ignore it…I completely shit on that sentiment and remain longing for acceptance and acknowledgement, and the worse part, is I hate myself for it, but I can’t change, because I’m selfish, stupid, and numb to truths I I accept, but don’t want to believe in.

“88 Important Truths I’ve Learned”

Another awesome motivational read, so if anyone’s feeling down and needs a quick burst of inspiration and help, take a look.  Sometimes deciding to be better is all you need, make tomorrow today, and go be awesome.  It doesn’t matter what others think, tell yourself you’re awesome and if you believe that little voice inside your head, it’s all the approval you need.


(Credit to Raptitude and Dave)

I’m not super in love with the pic, but I like the message.  We’re all so worried about going to school, getting good grades, going to the right college, networking, getting a job, buying a house, buying a car, etc.  Is that really what you’re searching for though?  This isn’t a one size fits all world, and money doesn’t buy happiness, but it does provide peace of mind.  Sometimes you need to be spontaneous, sometimes you need to get on that bus, sometimes you need to prove to yourself you’re really living and not just coasting by every day.  Here’s the catch, just be responsible and plan.

If you’re not sure what makes you happy, try doing something outside your comfort zone, and if it’s a poor experience, at least you’ve learned that you actually don’t like, instead of I think I don’t like it.  For example take careers, you don’t need to be an engineer, an investment banker, a doctor, or any cookie-cutter employee.  Maybe you’d love being a teacher or a designer or painter.  It might not pay the bills, but that’s not always what’s important.  Find out what’s important to you, and live through your priorities, don’t be afraid to place your happiness near the top from time to time.